I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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