you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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