So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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