I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
