I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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