You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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