I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
