Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
