look no pants
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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