Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
