Quick, to the slutcave!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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