I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
