I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
