It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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