i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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