i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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