My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
