summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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