Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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