I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish there were birth control emojis
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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