I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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