Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
