it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
