she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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