A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
