Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
