I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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