I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
