if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
