Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
