hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
