he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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