@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
