I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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