i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
