i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
