Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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