I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
