Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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