Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
