Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
