You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
