I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
