Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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