Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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