idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
