cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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