I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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