I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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