thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
