Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
