Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
