Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
